Without You
by Michi Shiranui
Summary: Dedicated to the late Niiyama Shiho, this story was written less than week after her passing in February 2000. It features Yaten's feelings over Seiya's death with slight shounen ai themes.


Without You

by Michi Shiranui

February 13, 2000

Notes (original): This story was written in memory of Niiyama Shiho, the seiyuu of Seiya Kou who died February 7, 2000, six days before I wrote this. I realized that this date was the day before Yaten's birthday, February 8th, and had the idea for the story. It is written as if Yaten was talking to Seiya, and the "I" is Yaten. This is a story geared towards fans of Niiyama Shiho that were shocked and hurt by her death. I've been e-mailed several times by fans saying how much they enjoyed the story... and I'm hoping it will help some cope with the pain. Maybe none of us knew her, but she still managed to touch our lives. I offer this story to the Sailormoon fan community as a fan of both the series and the wonderful actors that bring it to life.

New Notes (12/20/04): Oh boy. I wrote this story when I was barely 14 years old! I had to really force myself not to fix any grammatical errors, ha! I didn't rewrite any lines either, aside from adding a couple of words so one part made more sense. The only problem I had with this upload is that FFnet's QuickEdit wasn't letting me space the paragraphs the way I wanted to, but I guess it still reads through okay. I wanted to leave it as much like it originally was as possible, as I know back then I wrote it with a lot of feeling and love and it was generally well-received. The story itself, if I remember correctly, is meant to take place after the SailorStars episode where Seiya is badly hurt by Tin Nyanko; however, in my story he doesn't recover. I hope you enjoy the story for what it is: a little girl's dedication to the owner of a voice she once held so very dear.

* * *

Not here. Not now. Seiya, you idiot. How could you do this to me? Now I'm all alone. I know Taiki's still here. But I'm not and never will be as close to him as I was to you. I never realized it until that day you were gone. How close I was to you. How much I loved you. 

Not here. Not Earth. You can't leave me here. If you had to die, couldn't you have done it on our own planet? Not in such a terrible place like this. The Three Lights are no more now. I'm going to release one more song on my own, though. All for you, in your memory. I hate singing for them. I'm not doing it for them. I'm not even going to do it for our princess. Just for you. A song for you. The final song of the Three Lights... no, the Two Lights... One Light? I'm alone now.

Not now. We still need to find our princess, and then we were going to fight Galaxia together. Together! And now I have to face her alone. I wanted you to be by my side. I'm not going to fight with Taiki as a duo. I want you to be here.

Do you know how painful it was for me? I feel every death on this planet, every time a star disappears. When yours was gone... damn it... I felt so cold inside, like a part of me was suddenly missing. It hit me harder than anything else ever has. I've lived through my family dying, losing all of my friends... now you? It isn't fair. But then again, nothing is.

It's my birthday today. You weren't supposed to die the day before, that's just too terrible. What kind of present is that? But... I don't really care that it's my birthday. We're planning your funeral now. Rather, Taiki is. I don't want to have anything to do with it. I still haven't stopped crying. My eyes are red. I thought they were green.

I never knew that Galaxia was so powerful. One of her stupid lackies killed you. Couldn't she have killed me too? I would've liked that. I have no purpose now. We can't find the princess alone. You were our leader.

You should've seen Usagi. She wouldn't stop crying either. Ami, Rei, Makoto, and Minako were there too. I don't know if you noticed them. We were all gathered around you in your hospital bed, and she was sitting beside you, holding one of your hands within her own. She was the one who last spoke to you, since you kept whispering words of reassurance to her. What about me? I didn't even get to say goodbye. When you died, I winced. I felt you leave, your star disappearing. I kept my eyes closed until Taiki put his hand on my shoulder. Everyone had left and I had just stood there, not noticing. I still couldn't believe what had happened. He led me out of the room and we left, he drove us back to the apartment. He was silent for the rest of the day. When we got home, I quietly went to my room and sat on my bed. I pulled out our photo album, which was stuck under my bed. I stared at a picture of you and me at the beach that Taiki had took... That's when I started to cry.

Taiki is still being silent. I have no one to talk to. I wish you were here. Anyone that I trust. I want the princess. I could talk to her. I don't trust anyone else. There's no one to comfort me. Taiki doesn't seem to care, I don't know if he even noticed me crying.

I didn't go to school today... I doubt I will for a while. When the funeral is over, I promise that I'll visit you every day. You always liked roses. The red ones you used in concert. I'll put some there for you, okay? ...and my tears can water them. Wait for me in heaven, or wherever you are. If I don't make it through the battle with Galaxia, I want to be able to see you then.

Seiya... you're still an idiot. Why'd you have to die? Why? WHY?!

"...Yaten?" Taiki opened the door to the boy's room, finding him curled up in a small ball on his bed, crying into the pillow. Taiki sighed and slowly entered the room, closing the door. The noise startled Yaten, and he looked up to see his tall brown-haired "brother". He sniffled and reached over to his nightstand for a tissue, wiping his eyes.

"What?" he asked quietly, sitting up.

Taiki sighed softly. "I thought it would be good to bury him in his red suit... The one for performances. He was wearing it when he died, and I know how much he liked it... We'll return the school uniform tomorrow, and we can donate his old clothing to some shelter..."

"He turned back into his original form when he died, didn't he?"

Taiki blinked. "Beneath the suit, I'm sure... But..."

"I don't care if they ask questions. I want him buried in the outfit beneath that." Yaten said, his eyes fixed on the open photo album still lying on his bed.

Taiki sighed. "I suppose... But why?"

"Because that's who **she** really is."

"Fine... Whatever. Are you coming to dinner? It _is _your birthday."

"Maybe... I just want to be alone for a little longer, okay?" Taiki nodded and left, closing the door quietly behind him. Yaten took a deep breath and fell back onto his bed, letting it out. He stared at the ceiling, wrapping his arms around himself, closing his eyes. "...Seiya..." Yaten fell asleep soon after.

_Yaten? Yaten?_ A familar voice echoed through Yaten's head. He blinked, looking around, surrounded by nothing.

"A dream...?" Yaten whispered, raising an eyebrow. The voice chuckled.

_Not quite._ it told him. Yaten shivered. The voice was coming from all around him.

"What the...?" The short boy thought hard. That voice... "Seiya?!" The form of his friend appeared before him, but it looked strange. As if he were only half there. Yaten hesitated for a moment, but then broke out into tears and quickly hugged Seiya, holding him tightly with no will to let go. "You're so warm... it's as if you're still alive... Seiya..." Seiya smiled, hugging him back. He held him for a minute, but his smile soon faded and he loosened his grip.

_Yaten... But I'm not... You know that. _he said softly, patting Yaten's back. Yaten shook his head.

"I don't care, just give me this moment..."

_Happy 17th Birthday... You'll always be the older one. Yaten... You can take care of yourself now._

"I don't want to... Now be quiet..."

_We can't stay here forever. I'm only here to say goodbye. _Seiya replied, sighing.

"...That's right.. I didn't get to really say goodbye, so... Seiya!! No.. There's so much I still need to tell you... I love you... my only family now..."

_Yaten... I know. But.. if you need anyone to take care of you, you have Taiki. Don't just ignore him. He hurts too, he misses me too._

"I know..." Yaten sighed, still holding Seiya tightly.

_Find the princess... For me, please? And if you still need to talk to me... You said you'd visit my grave, right? Talk to me there... I'll try my best to hear you._

Yaten nodded, sniffling. "Okay..."

_Now... goodbye... _Seiya whispered. Yaten blinked, the form of his companion slowly disappearing in his arms.

"No.. Seiya, no! Not yet... Seiya!!" But it was too late, all that was left were quickly fading sparkles surrounding him. "...Seiya.."

Yaten woke up, still crying. He took a deep breath, once again wiping his eyes with a tissue from his nightstand. He stood, moving to the door and slowly opening it.

"Taiki? ...Is dinner ready?" he called out.

Taiki smiled from the kitchen. "Yes!"

Yaten smiled. A real smile, he didn't have to fake it. He was happy. Seiya would be with him in spirit, no matter what. And he had to go on with his life.

"Coming!"

* * *

And so ends this dedication... 

Niiyama Shiho

March 21, 1970 - February 7, 2000

With love, forever.


End file.
